Relocation Stress: A Couple Moves From NY To Houston
Posted by CathyG in career change, relocation on 05 30th, 2010Today’s New York Times featured an article about a couple who moved from New York to Lubbock, Texas, and finally ended u in New Orleans. The wife began as a trailing spouse and found her way to a new career.
Look up my Report on dealing with the stresses of relocation.
Listen to my comments on the recording below:
read comments (0)Relocation: Are you moving for the right reason?
Posted by CathyG in relocation on 04 28th, 2010Relocation often begins with a desire to be closer to friends and family. According to most research, that’s the number one reason people choose to relocate.
Of course many people also relocate to take advantage of a career opportunity. Often your job has gone away and you feel forced to move to a new residence in another city or state.
Retirement and other life stage changes also motivate relocation. People who retire often want to scale down, find a slower pace or just live near their places of recreation. Moving to be near a golf course or lake? You are not alone.
However, moving is never easy. The decision to move requires considerable thought and research. The result will be due to a large amount of preparation and a not so small amount of luck.
Begin with this question: Is your move a “want to” or a “have to?” In other words, are you moving from a sense of obligation or necessity? Or are you excited about moving because you anticipate being able to do things you’ve always wanted?
Here’s a typical example. My clients often begin a consultation with, “I want to live closer to my family. They need me.”
Typically, these people have always enjoyed time with their families. Therefore, they expect that more time will be even better. They don’t realize that living nearby will change the relationship completely.
When you visit once a year, your time together becomes a special occasion. Your family and friends schedule special trips and events. They arrange time off from work and they take time from their own community and recreational activities.
When you live around the corner, the schedule changes. You realize your favorite brother actually has activities scheduled almost every night of the week. Your friend wants to spend time with her own children.
Tip: Expect to make your own friendships when you move. Everybody helps you move the first few weeks. After that, you are on your own.
More tips on dealing with the stress of moving and settling in: http://www.RelocationStrategy.comReloc
3 Tips For Choosing A Career Coach
Posted by CathyG in career advice, career coaching, relocation on 03 22nd, 2010Are you thinking of getting help with your career change or job search? Here are 3 tips based on mistakes I’ve made or watched others make, both as a career coach/consultant and as a client of career coaches.
Tip #1: Get clear on what you need and what you can expect.
Job search takes time and energy. You can hire the greatest coach in the world, but if you work 80 hours a week you just don’t have time to do anything. You need time to network, make phone calls, get information together, rehearse for interviews and a whole lot more.
Often a career coach can speed up your job search. However, if you are an executive, you need more than few weeks to reach success. Changing to a whole new career will most likely take six months to three years. For instant results, invest in a magic wand, not a career coach.
Tip #2: Choose a coach who understands how the career game is played, not who has a wall full of diplomas.
Clients often are confused by titles: career coach? counselor? consultant?
A counselor often has passed courses in counseling and might be licensed in your state. In many states anyone can call himself or herself a counselor. A trained counselor often focuses on test-taking. A counselor with mental health training can be valuable if you have emotional issues associated with work.
Coaches typically are trained in a form of communication that involves dialogue and questions. In contrast, consultants are more likely to give direct advice. However, anyone can call himself or herself a coach or consultant.
If credentials are important to you, ask the prospective coach, “How will your training help you do a better job as you work with me to find a new career?”
My own irreverent view is that the coach’s credentials are less important than his or her knowledge of the real world. Can she read between the lines of a want ad? Can he help you interpret a bizarre interview response?
Tip #3: Free coaching is worth what you pay for it.
Occasionally a new coach will offer free coaching to build a client base. I did this myself but found it was not helpful to me or the client. Clients who seek free coaching tend to differ significantly from those who understand they have to pay.
Coaching from your family and friends may be helpful in terms of helping you assess your strengths. If your mom says, “You always were organized, even as a child,” file that away for future career choices. However, many successful people will lead you astray because they don’t realize the job market has changed and indeed the world has changed.
Never, ever seek career advice from a prospective employer or recruiter. They are not being paid to help you so they will experience a conflict of interest if they honestly want to do what’s best for you.
To learn more about my services, you can go here.
Free ebook and ecourse: Midlife Career Strategy.
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Moving: Some Horror Stories About Relocation
Posted by CathyG in relocation on 03 21st, 2010
Former TV Host Dick Cavett, commenting for the New York Times, reflects on the traumas of moving. He talks about the trauma of watching special possessions get destroyed. In his case, a 100-year-old antique was hacked to “splinters.”
Movers get directions wrong too. He gives a horror story of movers who actually moved people’s furniture of out their new apartment back to their former apartments. Well, all I can say is, never leave movers alone! You have to have a representative.
I would add: Make sure the rep understands what’s involved. Once my appointed representative asked, “Is there room in truck for a few boxes of books?” The driver’s eyes lit up. “You bet!” he said.
What he didn’t tell my friend was, “We charge based on weight, not space.” I had specifically asked my friend to send those boxes via media mail. Understandably, he figured he’d avoid atrip to the post office.
It could have been worse.
For dealing with the psychological aspects of moving, including whether to move at all, visit www.RelocationStrategy.com About
Relocation: Lower Cost of Living May Mean Lower Quality of Life
Posted by CathyG in relocation, retirement on 02 14th, 2010Relocation is one of the greatest stressors that most people experience in the twenty-first century. Often people move specifically to reduce expenses, especially in difficult economic times.
However, as a career consultant, I urge my clients to be very suspicious of cost of living reduction promises. Many people decide
to scale back their expenses by moving to a small town with lower
housing costs. However, there is usually a reason for the lower cost of
living.
“Bob” thought he could establish
his career as a freelance writer by moving to a state with a lower cost
of living. However, his new city did not have a strong public library
and the nearest large bookstore was 100 miles away. He would spend time
and money driving and invest considerable sums in creating his own
private library.
“Christine” planned to retire in a charming mountain town. She found she had to drive 200 miles or more to get medical services, such as appointments with a contact lens specialist who could get her prescription right the first time. She realized if she had serious problems requiring a specialist, she would have to get someone to drive her to a big city hospital or hire an ambulance. Some rural towns don’t even have medical services; residents have to be flown to a facility by air ambulance when they have heart attacks.
These challenges may not bother you at all. Many people live happily in these towns. But do your homework first.
Learn more about relocation at http://www.RelocationStrategy.com
Relocation: Consider the trade-offs
Posted by CathyG in relocation on 02 12th, 2010Relocation has been rated as one of the most stressful experiences anyone can have. It’s up there with widowhood, job loss and serious illness. Your first question should be, “What are my trade-offs?”
You may think you have to move to a new city to be closer to your family, giving up a wonderful job in your current location. Sometimes a well-meaning relative will make this kind of move, only to realize that it’s extremely difficult to find a new job. Worse, the new job may take so much time that you rarely see your family — the reason you made the move in the first place.
When you start looking at trade-offs realistically, you may realize you will come out ahead when you stay in your current location and just budget more frequent trips to the family. For instance, let’s say you spend $400 on plane fare and incidentals each trip. If you visit once a month for a 3-day weekend, you spend about $5000 a year. That seems like a lot…until you realize that a move will cost about $10,000 and you may take a pay cut of another $5,000 a year or so.
For a guide on relocation as a life transition, visit http://www.RelocationStrategy.com and download my comprhensve guide.
Relocation in Corporate America: A Mid-Life Career Challenge
Posted by CathyG in career advice, relocation on 01 5th, 2010A Book Review: Next Stop, Reloville: Life Inside America’s New Rootless Professional Class
by Peter T. Kilborn
Relocation always brings challenges and Peter Kilborn writes a journalistic account of a special segment of people who move: families who are required to relocate repeatedly in order to keep their jobs or maintain career growth. They earn high incomes by most standards – $100,000 – $400,000 – and their companies move them lavishly. One company even flew the wife’s mother to babysit with the children while the couple went on a househunting trip during their cross-country relocation. Hiring a moving company was not an issue.
These families represent middle and upper management. None was described as a CEO but some were VPs of mid-sized companies. Some worked in cubicles.
Author Kilborn focuses on the impact of corporate relocation on family dynamics. His approach is typical of contemporary journalism: focus on a handful of families in depth and chronicle every aspect of their lives that might remotely relate to moving. Thus we have children who start over in school, wives who volunteer, husbands who are away from home for long periods. We see variations from one family to the next but as I read, their stories blended together.
Kilborn notes the pressure to conform. For instance, these families need to buy homes with high resale value, so they tend to seek new homes in new neighborhoods. As a result, older neighborhoods fall into decline.
We see how some families try to escape the pressures. One family was thrilled to find a home outside a homeowners association. Surprisingly few get divorced; one woman is shown in front of her new antique store, which she opened after divorcing her mobile husband and remarrying.
This book describes a small, privileged sliver of corporate America. And, although the book’s subtitle refers to a “new” rootless professional class, I don’t think it’s all that new. I remember when IBM used to stand for “I’ve Been Moved.” If anything, I’m hearing that companies are cutting back because spouses now enter the picture.
And that’s my major quibble with this book. Are all members of this corporate America male and married? The book finds one young single woman who talks about the difficulties of getting a boyfriend. But I’ve known single and divorced women over 40 who reported enormous problems fitting into this mobile class. One woman moved into a nice neighborhood; after all, she earned a good salary and she could easily afford a big house. Her female neighbors were threatened at first. They actually worried she would chase their husbands (as if she had time or inclination).
The book doesn’t address other issues, such as relocation among professionals who are gay, non-Christian, or of another race. In these Relovilles, will these people stand out? Will they be ostracized? Or are these towns so filled with corporate execs who have higher tolerance than longer-dwelling residents of these small towns?
Wisely, the author chooses not to draw lessons and move to the self-help genre. Perhaps the ultimate lesson is to choose a career where you are self-employed or where you just don’t have to move. You might sacrifice the big pay checks (or not), but you will gain the most valuable commodity: time. And if you do choose this path, nobody can say Kilborn didn’t warn you.
i’ve written my own book about relocation. This book deals with the stresses and psychological challenges common to a variety of people who relocate – not just corporate families. This book includes challenges of being single, moving on a shoestring, and finding new friends. It was originally published by New Harbinger and sold out is printing. I now sell from my website. Download immediately at http://www.RelocationStrategy.com
Renting an apartment? Get some tips to avoid trouble later.
Posted by CathyG in relocation on 12 28th, 2009A really good source of info on what to look for when renting an apartment – and how to get the info you need. Click here.
Renting often makes sense in a new location, for psychological as well as financial reasons. Download my relocation book here. I think it’s the only guide around that deals with the psychology of moving. Everybody else talks about packing a box.
Career Change and Relocation Should Feel Effortless
Posted by CathyG in career advice, relocation on 09 20th, 2009Reflecting on my last post, I realized that when I moved to Seattle, everything fell into place quickly. I sold my house in New Mexico. (That really was effortless! Someone heard I was moving and said, “Name your price.”) My friends helped me find a terrific apartment; actually, I went online and asked them to check out a couple of places for me. This one has been so wonderful I’m still here and don’t want to mov e.
The moving van came on time. Nothing broke. The dog and cats held up well. My 6-year-old Toyota purred smoothly on the highways. In fact, I ended up having a reunion with an old friend along the way. She and her husband were travelling independently and we happened to have chosen different motels at the same exit. She came to visit me because I didn’t want to leave the animals alone in a hotel. (And yes…I found hotels and motels that accepted two cats and a dog. Nobody hid. I didn’t even pay extra.)
Was this Law of Attraction? Some of my friends would say so. Maybe they’re right.
But when you’re doing what’s right for you and you’re picking up signals from the environment, your actions will be effortless. I really believe that if you encounter a lot of struggle, you need to stop and ask, “What’s going on?” You may need a sounding board. I work with clients on career and relocation challenges. Christina Merkley uses a Law of Attraction approach that works on broader life issues.
Can this relocation be saved?
Posted by CathyG in career advice, relocation on 09 20th, 2009Recently I listened to a wonderful call from Christina Merkley, the Shift-It Coach. I highly recommend Christina if you are considering a life change and looking for support and direction. I consult her myself when I want a sounding board although I’m somewhat left-brained. I find many Law of Attraction principles can be explained by mainstream psychological concepts.
Christina has a Soothing Saturday series which I recommend. She has a guest who discusses techniques and ideas that may be helpful. Last week one caller shared this story. I don’t know the caller’s name so I’ll call her “Betty:”
“I used Law of Attraction to support a move from Colorado to California. I was totally convinced the move would happen. But my house didn’t sell and I couldn’t move. Things turned out badly after that.”
I’m no expert in Law of Attraction; in fact, I raise questions about it. But I *am* somewhat of an expert on moving. You can learn more from my book, which originally was published by New Harbinger.
And I hear an undercurrent of doubt. You don’t have to be locked in to a location because your house won’t sell. You may be able to rent for awhile. You may be able to lower the price.
When your move is contingent on selling a house, you are a prisoner to your home. That’s not a good place. These days people are more sensitive to the possibilities. With the recent economic downturn, I’ve seen many Seattle condos converting to rentals because people are terrified they’ll be stuck.
Suppose Betty were my client. From the first day she considered moving, I would say, “First set a goal of selling the house. Deal with the house and then deal with the rest of your move.” I’ve sold two houses very quickly as soon as I decided to move. The first time I didn’t even have a real estate agent – just a sign on the lawn. I ran into a neighbor looking to buy. The second time I wanted to rent my house. A buyer offered me a 25% premium over market value and I never looked back.
If your first step of a new venture is hard, stop and ask why. If you meet resistance, stop and think. A Law of Attraction expert might talk about energetic forces and who knows? Maybe they’re right. Anyway, it’s much more fun to talk about energy and attraction than cognitive psychology or economics.
For example, when I left New Mexico, I had two options. One offered resistance. The other was wide open. I considered moving to Philadelphia. Then someone suggested, “Why not Seattle?” I had trouble finding an apartment in Philadelphia that was dog-friendly. In Seattle I had choices. I ended up in Seattle in a great apartment, with (literally) a little help from my friends. (I keep thinking about buying a place, but I like living downtown and the condos are problematic.) Seattle is totally dog-friendly. They even allow dogs on buses. If my first dog had died a little earlier, or if I’d waited to move, I might have moved to Philadelphia with just two cats and who knows what might have happened?
