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By CathyG

Dangers of Getting Too Personal (Even When Everyone Says, “Be Authentic”)

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Image by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash.

Whether in your own business or corporate life, professionals often find they are challenged to maintain a line between business and personal lives.

Increasingly the boundaries are blurred as we work from home. We’re often advised to be “genuine” and “authentic.” We’re often ill-advised to be “vulnerable.”

But over-disclosing can be hazardous to a career, whether you’re employed by yourself or an outside entity.

You’ll acquire a new (and probably unwanted) identity.

You become “the person who survived bankruptcy” or “the person whose brother went to prison.”

Author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie presented a memorable TED talk many years ago. Once someone hears a critical fact about you, they will associate that one single story with you. As a college freshman in Connecticut, she found her roommate associated “Nigeria” with an outdated story about Africa. The roommate was deeply disappointed when Chimamanda’s “tribal music” playlist featured Mariah Carey.

When you have one story. you have an incomplete story. First, you are more than just one story. And second, any inaccuracies in the one story will be carried over to reinforce the storytime.
When you’re new to an audience, you’re known by the one story you tell.
That’s one reason why people who are new to a business or company have more to risk when they share freely. Their listeners haven’t had a chance to add more stories that would create a context.
A very successful business owner shared a story of her struggle with depression. When she shared that story. she had established herself as a leader in her industry. She had a loyal following. She was known for her achievements and ideas. The personal story was just one of many.
You can expect your story to be distorted.

Back when I was a college professor, I learned never to look at the notes any student was taking in my class. Inevitably something would be distorted. It’s pretty scary.

“My sister was in a convent for a while” can become “She was a nun for 5 years.” It can even become, “She’s a religious fanatic who doesn’t have a romantic life.”

You can expect your story to be viewed through the listener’s backstory.

In one company, a new CEO decided to be open about his personal life. Introducing himself, he said, “My divorce is being finalized next week. I’m set to marry my girlfriend in just three months. We’ve been together in Dallas for over three years and finally will tie the knot. I have two kids in college and one starting his freshman year.”

In the 21st century, this story seems straightforward. Many people would be bored. His organization (and most of its stakeholders) had no ties to religion.

But a few of this CEO’s colleagues were dismayed by this story. Many were married or divorced with children of their own. One said, “I cannot believe he is living with another woman before the divorce. I will never be able to respect him, no matter how much he does for this company.”

For more on understanding backstory, download my free guide, The Surprising Way To Discover What Really Motivates Your Target Market. Click here for immediate access. 

You can also listen to the Strategic Storytelling podcast episode #11 on getting to know your clients, via Apple,  Spotify, or the platform of your choice. 

Bottom line:

Being vulnerable is a healthy part of being in a personal relationship. It’s not always a healthy part of a business relationship. Clients and colleagues say they want to know you as a whole person. In reality, they are too easily diverted by a single story.

Filed Under: also in medium, Career Advice and Opinions, Career Coaching / Consulting, Personal Development, Workplace Politics Tagged With: Career Advice and Opinions, career coaching

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