4 kinds of decisions

4 kinds of decisions

you don’t realize you have a tough decision to make

you don’t know all your options

you don’t know what questions to ask

you know the questions but you don’t know who has the anwers

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Questions to ask for decision making

Step 1 is to realize that you have a decision. Step 2 calls for asking questions.

For example, if you are going to accept a job, you would ask these questions. You probably wouldn’t ask the hiring manager but you would need to find out:

Is this a newly created job?

If not, where is the previous incumbent? How many people held this job for how long? (If ten people held the job in two years, a red flag should be waving.)

What is the previous job holder doing now? (Ideally, they’re promoted within the same company)

Why are they hiring from outside instead of promoting from within?

Will my efforts contribute to the bottom line (ensuring job security)?

You probably won’t find these questions in job hunting manuals. They’re guerilla questions and you need answers. The idea is to look for clues that give answers to your real questions.

When I shopped for a mortgage, i should have asked (apart from rates):

Who will be my represenattive and advocate?

How many years of experience does this loan officer have?

How many loans closed on my type of property from this office? Did they close on time?

Can I talk to a reference who closed on a loan of this type? For example, if you are buying a condo, talk to another condo buyer.

What real estate agents are sending you mortgages? Can I call them? (And when you call: “How many times have you used this company?”)

Here’s a tip: Find someone who went through a similar experience and ask “What questions do you wish you had asked earlier?”

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Decisions

A lot of times we make decisions without realizing we need more information. For example:

The doctor says, “You need surgery.” You figure, “She’s the professional. Why should I argue?”

Your friend says, “I wouldn’t sell the house now. Rent it out.” In my experience, the more confident people are when they give advice, the less they know.

The scary part of living in today’s world is that we often come up against situations that we couldln’t possibly know about. For instance, if you’ve never been diagnosed with a certain condition, chances are you don’t realize you need to do some resaerch. To take another example, I was an experienced home buyer. I had had one mortgage and one cash sale. But when I went to buy a third home, I didn’t realize I needed to research mortgage options. I didn’t realize that the quality of the lender’s services was as important as the rate structur.

So I jumped in and went to the bank I’d been doing business with for years. My buyer’s agent said, “Banks can be slow,” but she didn’t say nearly enough. She didn’t warn me that bank loans can turn into nightmares. Mine did. I didn’t realize I needed to make a decision and research the information before jumping in.

The same thing happened earlier when I started my first online business. I didn’t research. I just hired a coach.

Criteria for recognizing that you are making a tough decision:

More than a certain dollar amount is involved. Set your own number. If you’re Bill Gates, it might be $100K or even a million.

Any aspect of health that has long-term, irreversible consequences: surgery, chemo, even dental work.

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Relocation: Are you moving for the right reason?

Relocation often begins with a desire to be closer to friends and family. According to most research, that’s the number one reason people choose to relocate.

Of course many people also relocate to take advantage of a career opportunity. Often your job has gone away and you feel forced to move to a new residence in another city or state.

Retirement and other life stage changes also motivate relocation. People who retire often want to scale down, find a slower pace or just live near their places of recreation. Moving to be near a golf course or lake? You are not alone.

However, moving is never easy. The decision to move requires considerable thought and research. The result will be due to a large amount of preparation and a not so small amount of luck.

Begin with this question: Is your move a “want to” or a “have to?” In other words, are you moving from a sense of obligation or necessity? Or are you excited about moving because you anticipate being able to do things you’ve always wanted?

Here’s a typical example. My clients often begin a consultation with, “I want to live closer to my family. They need me.”

Typically, these people have always enjoyed time with their families. Therefore, they expect that more time will be even better. They don’t realize that living nearby will change the relationship completely.

When you visit once a year, your time together becomes a special occasion. Your family and friends schedule special trips and events. They arrange time off from work and they take time from their own community and recreational activities.

When you live around the corner, the schedule changes. You realize your favorite brother actually has activities scheduled almost every night of the week. Your friend wants to spend time with her own children.

Tip: Expect to make your own friendships when you move. Everybody helps you move the first few weeks. After that, you are on your own.

More tips on dealing with the stress of moving and settling in: http://www.RelocationStrategy.comReloc

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How Do You Frame Your Time (and what does it mean)

A recent article in Psychology Today reported a counterintuitive finding.

Readers are asked, “Who’s most likely to donate time to charity? A lawyer bllng $400 an hour; an accountant billing $100 an hour; a parking lot attendant earning $10; or a teacher earning $45000 a year?”

The answer may surprise you. It turns out that volunteering is not related to wealth or income but to a style of framing perceptions about the value of time. Once you start working hourly, or billing your time by the hour, you start to be conscious of the value of time. My own suspicion: Those who are paid hourly but in fact work consistent hours are probably less conscious of their hourly rate.

I’ve noticed this response when people shift from free lancing to take a regular job, or “J.O.B.” They’re very conscious of the way employers waste their time. For instance, one friend was putting together an online program. She was told to, “Check the links to be sure they’re okay.”

“Aren’t there computer programs to do that?” she asked. She was shocked as she considered the value of time she was being asked to contribute to this mindless task that a low-cost piece of software could accomplish more accurately.

Going the other way, new entrepreneurs often have trouble making sure they use each hour effectively. “Time is money” takes on more meaning when you aren’t drawing a fixed salary.

On the other hand, the article points out, it’s easy for the hour-minded to start tracking all their activities, including leisure or family time. That’s going a little too far for some.

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Another career myth: Career change is a straight line.

Most career change comes about through serendipity, not linear planning. Research shows that nearly every career choice and career change includes an element of luck or chance. For example, you run into an old college friend who tells you about a job opening in his company. You hadn’t considered this field but you take the job and discover you have an aptitude.

True Story: A medical social worker moved to a small town with his significant other. Finding no demand for his services, he accepted a clerical job with a real estate agency. He grew restless, so he studied for his real estate license to become an agent. He found his first client when he overheard a conversation in a coffee shop.

Three years later, he was the top real estate agent in the county – a career he would never have anticipated by logical planning. He would have scored near the bottom on any test measuring interest in real estate and aptitude for sales.

Another example:

Following a long job hunt, an attorney reluctantly accepted a job in the finance field. She had never been interested in finance and scored low on math aptitude. To her surprise, she soon realized she enjoyed the job. Her firm encouraged her to take finance courses and one day she realized she loves what she’s doing. She has received bonuses and promotions.

Both these examples are true.  Many of us find our new careers by answering an ad we stumbled across by accident. That’s certainly what happened to me.

After years of working in corporate jobs, I answered an ad to teach in a small private college. I had taught part-time in a community college but hadn’t considered a full-time teaching career. Teaching came naturally to me and I found myself thinking, “Why not?” So I enrolled in a doctoral program and embarked on a 20-year career.

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Career Myth: “If you are not happy here…”

Here’s a familiar scenario. You get frustrated with your job (or maybe your whole career). You tell a few friends. They shake their heads and say,  ”If you can’t be happy here, you can’t be happy anywhere?”

There are two reasons this myth can be wrong.

Reason #1: You really landed in a miserable job that’s going nowhere.

Let’s face it: some jobs are pretty awful. They can be meaningless, frustrating or even degrading.  They sap your strength. You begin to think they destroy your soul.

Some bosses are toxic. Some companies are toxic. Some signs that a company is toxic:

• A lot of people are sick a lot of the time.
• You are physically ill more than you used to be, typically with colds or headaches.
• You lose interest in things (on and off the job) that formerly got you excited.
•  The place has high turnover, sometimes even during a recession.
• People seem to quit or get fired for no reason or for bizarre reasons.
• Your family and friends say, “You’ve changed…and not in a good way.”

Of course, sometimes you just don’t fit. There’s nothing wrong with the job but it’s not a good match for you. For example:

 The company places high value on conformity and you are a maverick.

They dress up; you dress down (or vice versa).

No one of your race, ethnicity, religion and/or gender has ever been taken seriously. Women who get taken seriously tend to look like models.

Reason #2: You’re totally in the wrong career.

You bounce around from company to company, thinking, “The next one will be a home run.”

You may like the job but just have no talent for it. Sometimes you can develop your talent over time. Sometimes you are under pressure to perform immediately so you will never know what might have happened.

The job may have requirements that clash with your own temperament and style. You like the work, but…

• The action starts at 7 AM and you are an evening person.
• You have to travel and your highest priority is home and family.
• Most of the jobs are in big cities and you have a rural soul.

You may be unsuited to a field even though you always wanted to be in that field and you invested huge amounts of time. Many lawyers want to leave the legal profession, even though they’re talented. I met a physician who trained as a surgeon for two years before realizing he hated the lifestyle: pressure, late nights, long hours. He is now a very happy anesthesiologist in a group practice, happily married and living the life he’s always wanted.

For more info, click on the “Services” link above. I also
offer a $97 introductory 30-minute consultation. Email me with “30-min
consultation” and 3 dates/times when you will be available. If you don’t hear
from me in 2 business days send another email.

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How To Handicap Your Career With Too Much Information

Today’s Wall Street Journal features an article on the dangers of TMI: sharing Too Much Info with colleagues at work.

See When Oversharing Invades The Office by Elizabeth Bernstein. Some examples from people interviewed for the article:

• A young man shares that he shaved his entire body for a bike race.
• A woman blurts that she conceived her son on a first date in high school.
• A man tells his marketing consultant he needs a lawyer because his wife sued for divorce after he had visited a prostitute.

Apparently reality shows and TV talk shows have blurred the boundaries between private and public. When Dr. Phil listens patiently and kindly to a sordid tale, we somehow get the message that the situation is normal…and so is talking about the situation.

Age related? I don’t think so. My 50-something creative art teacher liked to talk about her ex-husband, housing problems, financial stresses, and even visits to her “therapist.” We didn’t need to know.

Employment related? Not always. I’ve attended online teleseminars where class leaders said, “Time to end. I have to go pee.” Or they dropped details of their personal lives, often with the well-intentioned goal of appearing human and accessible in an invisible medium. I’ve had neighhors who shared every detail of…well, let’s not go there.

In all fairness, these days many of us spend more time at work than anywhere else. We have very few purely personal relationships that don’t overlap with work. And we’ve bought into the idea that sharing is a good thing.

The first of those two sentences are true. But sharing is not always a good thing. In a workplace or business situation, I believe the following should be shared very carefully or not at all:

Medical problems or exams  Sharing could come back to bite you: you might be considered too weak for a plum assignment and clients may be nervous about your ability to do the job.

Family. As far as the world is concerned, you have a happy, functional, loving family. Of course, what’s normal in one family will seem bizarre or cruel to another. Many years ago a colleague talked about the way he disciplined his young daughter…a detail we absolutely did not need to know and one that raised suspicions about his temper and his moral character.

Grooming and personal habits. Again, these tidbits can backfire. What seems reasonable and appropriate to one person will seem negligent or egotistical to another.

Bottom line:

When you are in a business environment — any environment where you are getting paid to be there — you are performing on a stage. Inevitably you will slip every so often. However, on a day-to-day basis, come up with some topics you feel comfortable sharing. Sports, music, and gardening seem pretty neutral.

If you’ve got a workplace culture where everybody comes in on Monday and talks about “how I spent my weekend,” come up with just enough harmless stories to be part of the group. Or (my favorite ploy) claim you need to make a phone call and disappear. Most people are more interested in hearing themselves than in your stories anyway.

Remember that anything you say can be used against you by someone who’s out to get you. For example, one man talked a great deal about his anorexic daughter. His colleagues privately speculated that his personal style probably contributed to the daughter’s psychological problems. Fair? No. True? Yes.

Be sensitive to leaks through Facebook. Keep one account that’s accessible only by personal friends and family members. If you don’t want the hassle of password protection, identify yourself and family members by private names that would not appear if someone googled you.

Encourage younger colleagues, friends and family members to be sensitive to oversharing. Often these twenty-somethings have become accustomed to sharing in a college dorm. Nobody bothers to tell them the workplace is different.

If you believe you need to share or “vent” for your own psychological benefit, choose a confidante who is not connected to the workplace. It’s no accident that CEO’s have long employed consultants who are now called coaches. Ideally, you will find a friend or family member to listen. Alternatively, an investment in a coach or therapist can pay dividends for your career growth.

Finally, don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake. If colleagues want to destroy you, they will find a way. That’s another topic.

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Overqualified but happy to have a job

That was the title of a recent New York Times article. You can read it here.

The gist of the article is this: In today’s tight job market, companies can attract talent they’d ordinarily never see. And despite conventional wisdom, many of these overqualified hires are working out.

Here’s what I think (and please add your own comments below):

First, these jobs seem to work out when the company feels pleased and excited to get this talent bonus. If a company has reservations about the new hire, these feelings will carry over.

Second, you have to be honest with yourself. Some people have no problem working in downsized jobs. Others won’t. If you’re in the latter category, you may have to find a way to earn a living, perhaps by starting your own business.

Many people find it easier to take a step back when they are either self-employed or moving to a new career field. That’s why many qualified professionals begin an online career as Virtual Assistants: they’re actually running a business and they can fire their bosses anytime.

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Do Your Interviews Go Nowhere?

One of the most common questions I get goes like this:

“I’ve achieved some success in getting interviews. Sometimes I even get a second interview. Then…nothing happens. What’s wrong?”

Typically this problem has three possible causes.

First, many clients realize they need to practice their interview skills. For example, when you are asked, “Do you have questions?” your interviewer doesn’t expect questions about hours, workload and benefits. She wants you to demonstrate your interest in the company.

However, many of my clients have superb interview skills. There’s nothing wrong with them.

Instead, their resumes are getting them interviews, but the resumes are not properly targeted. So they wind up talking to hiring managers who are very impressed…but recognize, “There’s just not a fit here.”

Finally, you may be dealing with pseudo-interviews. These employers have no intention of hiring you. However, they are going through the motions because (a) their HR person said they need to look at more candidates or (b) they are just curious to see “what’s out there.”

When I was an academic, I went on lots of pseudo-interviews. University officials were extremely concerned about meeting EEO regulations. They also had to follow arcane policies and procedures that called for committee meetings.

Once I went on a pseudo-interview in Boston. I told the dean I’d be staying an extra night in the very nice interview hotel at my own expense. No problem, he said. They paid for the whole thing…probably out of guilt.

Companies sometimes feel they are doing you a favor if they talk to you, even if they won’t hire you. Occasionally you will impress an employer during a pseudo-interview and you’ll get a job you didn’t expect. More often it’s a hassle and expense: after all, they won’t pay for dry cleaning your suit or boarding your dog.

I am happy to work with you if you’d like to have a one-to-one consultation. Send an email to ask about specials for April:
midlifecareerstrategy (a) gmail.com

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