Marc Freedman, author of Encore, wrote a provocative, timely post about Steve Jobs’s advice to baby boomers. Read his post here. Like so many leaders today, Steve Jobs sounds more like a life coach than seasoned business executive.

Job said: “…[F]or the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ … Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

Freedman writes:

“Time matters at 50 or 55 or 60 in a way that it doesn’t when you are sitting at college commencement assuming an endless expanse ahead, even if some wise person is telling you otherwise. There’s no more dress rehearsal. You’re on.”

Freedman adds:
“[The] longevity tables tell us [life] is likely to go on for quite a while, for a period that could easily approximate or exceed midlife. This simultaneous expansion and compression of time is a unique feature of the new stage of life opening up between the middle years and anything resembling old age.”

So far, so good. Freedman goes on to propose a mantra “as we prepare to storm the barricades of age: mortality, longevity, urgency. Add demography and we might be poised to witness something transformative, the emergence of an entirely new stage of life and a new segment of the population, neither young nor old. 60 is neither the new 30 or the old 80. It is the new 60.”

That’s also very good advice. but it’s a lot more problematic than Freedman suggests here. Longevity and urgency seem to be contradictory and the challenge of mid-life is to deal with this contradiction. When you are 50 and you’re enjoying good health, chances are you’ll still be around in 10 years, able to continue what you are doing now. But when you are 60 and in good health, there’s a long tail to the probability curve. The *average* 60-something will still be enjoying life. More will be experiencing health problems, some for the first time, and some will be enjoying an even higher quality of life as they shed their careers and enjoy retirement.

The truth is: Life coaching gets harder as your life gets longer.

Traditional wisdom doesn’t apply. How do you plan for the post-60 life? If you live each day as though you’ve got a year to live, you won’t defer gratification to work so you can preserve your nest egg and life style. But if you bet wrong and the clock ticks more slowly, you’re in trouble.

In the best of both worlds, you have a career you enjoy so you don’t have an either/or decision. That’s usually possible – but requires some creativity, planning and a large amount of luck.

Reading over Jobs’s commencement address on the day of his obituary, there’s no denying the sadness that Jobs himself won’t be around to help blaze this new territory himself. He was just beginning to navigate the terrain between ages 55 and 75 – an age was once a wasteland, yet has all the ingredients to be the new crown of life.

Life coaching calls for a life design with built-in breaks along a much longer trajectory, that is fitted to the new lifespans of the 21st century. You can’t run a marathon the way you run a spring. We’re going to need to coach ourselves or get coached to this new view of life. Half the children born since 2000 in the developed world are projected to see their 100th birthdays. Let’s pass on to them a life trajectory that’s sustaining and sustainable, that pays off on the promise of the longevity revolution, for now and for generations to come.

As a life coach, Steve Jobs wasn’t bad. Life just gets harder to coach with every year.

One of the biggest challenges in a career decision involves identifying your company’s real agenda, which may be out in the open, deliberately hidden or just not articulated clearly. For example:

Recently “Bernard” was offered a truly amazing opportunity in a new company. His boss encouraged him to turn it down, setting up some compensation and promising more. Soon afterward his boss left to take a job with the very company Bernard had considered. Was this move deliberate? Did the boss want to keep the job for himself? We’ll never know, although Bernard has his suspicions.

“Tina”  became frustrated with the results of her interview for a new job – till she realized the company had already made up its mind and was going through the motions. The HR department insisted they interview three people.

“Jim” emailed me when he got a poor performance review. I can’t give advice as a quick response to an email, but they can hire me for dome coaching. I also have an ebook on performance reviews. One challenge is to identify the hidden agenda. Can you genuinely recover and have a career or are you doomed? Does your company culture support a strong reply or will you be better off, in the long run, with silence?

A lot of books about decision making assume you realize you face a tough decision. But all too often decisions sneak up on us and we don’t realize we are in trouble till it’s too late.

For example, when I had a minor medical problem, I was advised to have one type of surgery. However,

I had read a lot about the medical profession and was deeply suspicious. After all, the New York Times and other papers includes horror stories about medicine almost every day.

Second, I was used to solving my own medical challenges. For years I was accustomed to googling for solutions to problems that would send most people to a doctor.

Third, the outcomes of the medical decision were clear. If I had one type of surgery, I’d have to go to the hospital. My medical plan called for sharing a room (unless I paid thousands of dollars extra) and I hated that whole idea. I’d be out of commission for months. The alternative would be outpatient surgery and I’d go home that day.

Fourth, I knew I had a decision to make. The issue was framed as “Should I do x or should I do y?”

Finally  I had my own experiences. Nearly all my experiences with the medical profession had been negative up to that time. So my guard was up.

As a result, I investigated my options and made the decision that was right for me. I called everyone I could think of. I got good advice. And I acted. The outcome was positive.

Now contrast this decision with another. I was buying a condo.

First, I hadn’t read very much on the topic. I hadn’t seen many articles. This topic isn’t as “in your face” as medical decisions. I didn’t know anyone who had been in a tough situation.

Second, I had always gotten excellent help with real estate in the recent  past.  I wasn’t used to googling for information. Besides, these decisions were so infrequent that I wasn’t keeping tabs on the news, whereas I knew a medical problem could crop up any time.

Third, the outcomes were hazy. I knew there was a financial risk but didn’t realize that other outcomes might happen, like noisy neighbors.

Fourth, I didn’t see a decision framed as clearly. I knew I had the means to buy and the opportunity seemed good. I didn’t frame my question as a decision. This mistake is the easiest to make.

Finally, my experiences had been good. I made really good money on two houses.

4 kinds of decisions

you don’t realize you have a tough decision to make

you don’t know all your options

you don’t know what questions to ask

you know the questions but you don’t know who has the anwers

Step 1 is to realize that you have a decision. Step 2 calls for asking questions.

For example, if you are going to accept a job, you would ask these questions. You probably wouldn’t ask the hiring manager but you would need to find out:

Is this a newly created job?

If not, where is the previous incumbent? How many people held this job for how long? (If ten people held the job in two years, a red flag should be waving.)

What is the previous job holder doing now? (Ideally, they’re promoted within the same company)

Why are they hiring from outside instead of promoting from within?

Will my efforts contribute to the bottom line (ensuring job security)?

You probably won’t find these questions in job hunting manuals. They’re guerilla questions and you need answers. The idea is to look for clues that give answers to your real questions.

When I shopped for a mortgage, i should have asked (apart from rates):

Who will be my represenattive and advocate?

How many years of experience does this loan officer have?

How many loans closed on my type of property from this office? Did they close on time?

Can I talk to a reference who closed on a loan of this type? For example, if you are buying a condo, talk to another condo buyer.

What real estate agents are sending you mortgages? Can I call them? (And when you call: “How many times have you used this company?”)

Here’s a tip: Find someone who went through a similar experience and ask “What questions do you wish you had asked earlier?”

A lot of times we make decisions without realizing we need more information. For example:

The doctor says, “You need surgery.” You figure, “She’s the professional. Why should I argue?”

Your friend says, “I wouldn’t sell the house now. Rent it out.” In my experience, the more confident people are when they give advice, the less they know.

The scary part of living in today’s world is that we often come up against situations that we couldln’t possibly know about. For instance, if you’ve never been diagnosed with a certain condition, chances are you don’t realize you need to do some resaerch. To take another example, I was an experienced home buyer. I had had one mortgage and one cash sale. But when I went to buy a third home, I didn’t realize I needed to research mortgage options. I didn’t realize that the quality of the lender’s services was as important as the rate structur.

So I jumped in and went to the bank I’d been doing business with for years. My buyer’s agent said, “Banks can be slow,” but she didn’t say nearly enough. She didn’t warn me that bank loans can turn into nightmares. Mine did. I didn’t realize I needed to make a decision and research the information before jumping in.

The same thing happened earlier when I started my first online business. I didn’t research. I just hired a coach.

Criteria for recognizing that you are making a tough decision:

More than a certain dollar amount is involved. Set your own number. If you’re Bill Gates, it might be $100K or even a million.

Any aspect of health that has long-term, irreversible consequences: surgery, chemo, even dental work.

Just saw a post along these lines on Facebook, with details disguised:

“Suppose you are in an abusive job environment and feel you can’t leave. What can you do in the meantime?”

This question is tough. Here’s what I would advise:

First talk to a mental health professional and/or coach. Build a strong support system so you can keep you inner equilibrium. You also need a reality check on the degree of abuse. If it’s really bad, you’re in a war zone and you may need to leave immediately, as if you had a family emergency. (You do!) Additionally, you need to work on your own personal growth support systems. It’s tempting to self-soothe with cake, cookies and even alcoholic beverages, but those choices just make you feel worse. You lose energy and feel even more frustrated or even depressed.

Caution: Be very careful when working witih anyone, whether health professional or coach. Be especially careful when anyone other than a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist suggests drugs such as anti-depressants. Even then, some mental health professionals say, get a second opinion. On the other hand, be wary of someone who dismisses your pain with, “All in your head” or suggests band-aid quickie solutions. I am not a medical practitioner or mental health professional, so I am just passing on what I’ve picked up by reading and conversations and what I would do myself.  Get advice from true experts.

Second, create a Plan B. What would you do if you were fired? Begin to execute that plan because you are, in effect, firing yourself. Additionally, it is not unusual for frustrated workers to find themselves sabotaging their own success. You make a really, really bad mistake. You arrive late to meetings (or skip them altogether). You say the wrong thing to a coworker and pay a heavy price.

Third, if you are developing your own business or practice, invest in good help to accelerate your growth. You don’t need to spend a fortune but a few calls  with a pro can save you months and weeks of time, not to mention the lost income.

To get started on career change:Your 21-Day Extreme Career Makeover

I really liked this YouTube video by psychiatrist and healer Judith Orloff, MD. Listen here.

If your  body feels uncomfortable in a situation, says Orloff, you have to get out, no matter how attractive the financial compensation, perks and inducements.

It’s a little controversial. Feel free to share comments below – click on “Comments” to reply.

One of the book’s authors offered to send me a review copy. It’s always scary to review a book after making contact with the author. But I was pleasantly surprised. This book would be a best-seller with better packaging and stronger cover promotion.

The title is misleading. I’d have liked to see something like, “What Your Success Coach Won’t Tell You…About What Really Brings Success in Business and Life.” It’s really applicable to both careers and to business.

The authors boldly tackle tough career change and business questions. For example, which is more important: inspiration or perspiration? How do you know when to give up and when to persevere?

There are gems scattered throughout, such as, “Don’t confuse perfection with excellence” (p. 23).

I especially like the way the authors deal with visualization and affirmations. On page 82, they suggest turning affirmations into questions. I’ve never seen this idea and I like it.

I also liked the discussion of pessimism vs optimism (p. 112). So many coaches (at least in the earlier days of coaching) came down hard on pessimism. These authors emphasize that a healthy dash of cynicism can be healthy. They dismiss recommendations to, “Expect a miracle.”

The chapter on Success Mind actually introduces novel suggestions beyond the tired old “mindset” topics we’ve all read. I particularly like the way the authors advise us not to be held back by labels, especially one particular label: left vs right brain. We need both creative and critical thinking, they say.

Finally, I applaud the authors for coming right out to recognize wealth-building as an indicator of success. Too many how-to books tiptoe around this topic and some self-proclaimed experts advise us not to get too hung up on money…except to pay them, of course.

Definitely recommended. Buy it through Amazon.

In the US News Blog On Careers, someone named “Andrew G.R.” wrote:

“…I can’t help but wonder if many jobs are designed to beat us all into idea submission. It just seems so much easier to show up, do what they want you to do, and go home. “

He’s got a point. Very few employers reward initiative or innovation. Schools tell us that creativity is a virtue but let’s face it: creativity is rarely rewarded in the marketplace.

It’s not that bosses are evil. It’s just that they want things their way. I have to admit I get irritated when my cleaning services gets creative and starts re-arranging my stuff. Sure I’m challenged in the decorating department, but hey…it’s my home, last time I checked.

But there’s another side to the question. Mindless activity can be hazardous to every aspect of your well-being.

When people get frustrated enough, they start to do really dumb things. They self-sabotage.

And when you get in the habit of just doing what you’re told, you’re at risk if ordered to do something dangerous or illegal. That’s what happened to some of the folks at Worldcomm, Abu-Ghraib and a host of other places.

“Doing what I was told” is not a defense. In courts of law and public opinion, you are expected to commit career suicide when faced with wrongful orders. At the very least, get those orders in writing and talk to someone who is licensed to advise you. I’m not.

Even if you’re not in legal jeopardy, you could still be embarrassed if you’re caught in a news story or have to explain to a future employer.

Fight the temptation to go on autopilot when you go to work. Imagine that Sixty Minutes showed up at your workplace and filmed what you were doing. Would you be tempted to hide? And stay marketable.