Clients often find they are challenged to maintain a line between business and personal lives. There are 5 ways you can encounter problems from over-disclosing:
(1) Stereotype – most dangerous
Every psychology class will tell you: people hold stereotypes. It’s not always fair but it’s part of human nature.
For example, if you’re getting a divorce, your colleagues will pull up their stereotypes of divorce, mostly negative:
“She won’t be able to concentrate.”
“He’ll be drinking a lot.”
“She’ll be depressed and miserable to be around.”
“He’ll be financially stressed.”
Do you need this hassle? I think not.
(2) Labeling
One day after a few drinks, you tell your colleagues, “I’ve been in therapy for a year. I’m trying to deal with issues about my relationships.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Millions of people are in your shoes. But one of my former colleagues learned (the hard way) that even this simple disclosure led to labeling him as “the guy who’s got relationship troubles.” Colleagues started asking him more personal questions and disclosing their own personal details. Worst of all, his personal life was discussed more than his many valuable contributions at work.
(3) Interpretation
Expect anything you say to be distorted and interpreted through your colleagues’ cultural lens. . “My sister was in a convent for awhile” can become “She was a nun for 5 years.” It can even become, “She’s a religious fanatic who doesn’t have a romantic life.”
True story: In one company, a new CEO decided to be open about his personal life. Introducing himself, he said, “My divorce is being finalized next week. I’m set to marry my girlfriend in just three months. We’ve been together in Dallas for over three years and finally will tie the knot. I have two kids in college and one starting his freshman year.”
In the 21st century, this story seems straightforward. Most people would be bored.
But a few of this CEO’s colleagues did not share his moral values. Some held religious views on divorce. Others were married or divorced with children of their own. One said, “I cannot believe he is living with another woman before the divorce. I will never be able to respect him, no matter how much he does for this company.”
I talked about his at http://www.BlogTalkRadio.com/MidlifeCareerGame
where you can listen to the replay.
Career consulting is available (limited) at http://www.midlifecareerstrategy.com/coaching.html
(4) Red flag for future assignments
Your boss has ten people who all want the next promotion or plum assignment. She’s looking for good, solid reasons to make a decision. If you’ve just shared your personal life – your divorce, financial problems, or bad medical news – she’s got an easy out. And you handed it to her.
(5) Vulnerability
Being vulnerable is a healthy part of being in a personal relationship. It’s not a healthy part of a business relationship. Even if you feel scared and insecure, you want to be strong.
