During any kind of career, business or relocation move, most of us turn to friends, trusted colleagues and family for everything from information to sounding boards.
Yet just when you most want someone to listen, these sources may be the least helpful.
Your friends will be kind. They have the best intentions. But unless they’ve been in the game, they’ll have you dunking shots in the other team’s basket.
When I looked at careers outside academia, my friends were eager to help. They suggested I consider jobs in Guam, Australia and Saudi Arabia. (Where would I leave the dog? What would I do when the gig was over? Nobody knew.) They suggested books designed for entry level professionals.
And when I tell some friends that I work with savvy professionals who want new career and business direction, they’re even more puzzled. Here’s what some friend have told their friends:
- “If someone’s not happy in a job, he should talk to his supervisor,’argued a friend I’ll call Herb. He has remained in the same field for thirty-five years without a twinge of regret. He’s never been unhappy so he doesn’t realize that talking to your supervisor is probably be the very worst step you can take.
- “Career choice? Easy! Just think of whatever you’d rather do than eat.” When it comes to Haagen-Dasz mocha fudge with almonds, I’m afraid there’s no contest.
- ‘Want to move? If you’re not happy where you are, you won’t be happy anywhere.” Scientific research says otherwise.
- ‘”Start a business? You need a good idea.” Actually, you need more. I’ve put together a checklist.
In her book, Working Identity, Herminia Ibarra warns that real job-changers move outside their comfortable, familiar networks. Your friends, colleagues, bosses and recruiters will encourage you to stay in the same game, when you may already have moved on — and you’re still learning the new rules.
During a major transition, some of my clients actually move to a different part of the country, where they don’t have to explain their new identities. Most important — they will be forced to talk to strangers and learn from experts. Often I’m hired as an impartial resource who knows the big picture and the unwritten rules. And hiring an outsider has saved more than one job, friendship and/or personal relationship.
[Adapted from Your 21-Day Extreme Career Makeover.]
