Marci Alboher blogged about this question recently for a New York Times article. She describes a woman, Lisa Sherman, a VP-Marketing for Bell Atlantic.
Sherman attended a diversity meeting with her colleagues — one of those where everyone is invited to list stereotypes of African-Americans, Jews, Catholics, women, gay men and lesbians. Sherman had never told her colleagues she is a lesbian. She was shocked at her colleagues’ negative responses to the words for her gender orientation.
Soon afterward she resigned from her job to become a self-employed consultant. Bell Atlantic wanted to keep her but she felt she couldn’t continue after hearing those words at the diversity meeting. Sherman is now the executive vice president and general manager of Logo, the gay television channel owned by MTV.
Sherman’s story has been written up as a Harvard Business School case, so hundreds of students will have opportunities to comment. Sherman allowed her real name to be used.
What do you think? Click on the “Comment” link to share your views.
I’ve always advised my own clients to keep their personal lives private. No matter what you share, colleagues can always find ways to twist the information and hold it against you. Most of the time they won’t (unless you’re working for a nightmare group).
But why give anyone the opportunity?
If you’re married with kids, your parenting styles are up for discussion. If you’re single, everybody wonders what you’re really doing on weekends.
Dating? Partnered but not married? You’re a gift to the gossip mill, with implications for your career (“Their marriage seems rocky. Will he be too distracted to work on that big account?”).
It’s not easy. Most people spend more time with colleagues than with their own families. In a small town the boundaries can be blurred. You just have to keep reminding yourself, “They’re not my family.”
And do these diversity sessions really do any good? You tell me, via the comment link just below.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Work colleagues are not your friends. Boundaries are.
Going beyond polite commentary on the weather and sports is not a good idea. Yes, you spend most of your waking hours at work, however, your counterpart(s) want a slice of the same limited pie.
I just lived through a merger (takeover) and all the craziness that brings. Work colleagues are in the same boat, want the same things, but can’t be counted on to throw YOU the life preserver.
wow…souds traumatic. Congratulations on surviving the takeover.