Self-sabotage: sign of shame or sign of awakening?
I’ve been reading Debbie Ford’s newest book, Why Good People Do Bad Things. Ford argues that self-sabotage occurs when we try to conceal our “bad” selves, i.e., when we feel shame. I’ve reviewed the book here on amazon.
My review is rather long because I was the only reviewer (so far) to withhold a 5-star rating. I kept wondering, “Am I missing something?” I do note that the book’s rank, number of reviewers and number of re-sale copies suggest a less enthusiastic response than Ford received for her earlier books
Ultimately I have to question the book’s premise, which seems to be along the lines of, “Self-destructive behavior originates with shame.” I believe people can sabotage their own career success when they’re just deeply dissatisfied with their own professional path. I have told clients that, in my experience, if you wait too long to leave a job, you may do something to get yourself fired. It would be a stretch to argue that this behavior comes from shame.
In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck gives an example of a woman who blurted out a “bad” answer during a job interview – for a job she really didn’t want. Self-sabotage or self-awareness? Other authors have noted that our body reveals our true feelings and our subconscious mind keeps us from “seeing” things that challenge our wishes. Even Freud (hardly a New Age coach) suggests that forgetting something has a deeper meaning than just, “I didn’t remember.”
Ultimately Ford’s book provides food for thought but also fodder for debate.
